| Imprecate Words |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|11:03 am] |
I don't believe anyone has ever lived a true complacent life. It is impossible to ever know what you want in all of it's entirety. That in itself is something that is only a reflection of what the mind in that instance thinks it needs, be it instinctual or heavily thought out. So, given this fact, is anyone ever capable of "true happiness"? How could they be when no one knows what it is.
Many argue love is true happiness. Although my hormones try to tell me otherwise, I know this is not true. It is only true because people give into the indulgence of chemicals that overwhelm the mind at the time of "love". Love is indeed a powerful emotion. It is also one of the biggest hindrances in any person's life.
What if happiness was simply living a fulfilled life. Well that just can't be so, as a fulfilled life is nothing but the emotion of a task done. Without that initial drive to do so in the first place, we as an organism would simply parish as we need the push to keep going. Imagine a world where no one had any ambition, jobs, feeling of accomplishment. We, as a species would have died out almost immediately. Therefore yet again this happiness is just another by-product of chemical design.
In all actuality, isn't happiness just a term we use when we have attained mental stability? This makes "true happiness" nothing more than a meaningless phrase used by someone trying to justify their own existence after realizing there is no real reason for life. That of course being yet another drive given birth from the mind of man.
Have you ever tried forcibly smiling or laughing for extended periods of time? It really does make you feel like your actually buying into your own lies of false happiness. Is "real" happiness just better lies? Like the first time you kiss someone your in love with, it's generally an amazing first feeling, so you therefore associate it with happy and do it consistently from that point on. More chemicals and electrical impulses hard at work. Nothing really magical about it in the slightest, so why does it have such great importance. Because we make it so in our minds and fool ourselves into thinking it some sort of pinnacle of life.
So basically happiness is what your mind makes it. Everyone creates there own based off general structured designs. Happiness will never be more than just that. Further delving would most likely reveal a few more layers, but I believe that will sum it up for now.
Back to trying to find a new way to lie and deceive myself. |
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| manifestation of hope |
[Mar. 8th, 2005|11:44 pm] |
Been a while since I have posted, I do apologize.
It amazes me how one occurrence can alter an entire life more than could have even been imagined, yet make it almost appear as though nothing had been changed in the slightest. The one such instance I am referencing is that of falling for another person, aka falling in love.
Nothing has really changed in that person. They are still who they always have been, except now there are imbalances in hormones which obstruct and change certain thought processes. This then, is both unimaginably great and distressing at the same time. At one point, the body and the mind finally are able to quell many hormonal and animalistic needs which then give an overall sense of ease. Other cases have quite the opposite effect, such as when one little small detail sets off a spark and rush of thoughts and chemicals swirling about and causes that person to be uncontrollably distressed no matter how illogical it might be. So needless to say, "love" produces many intriguing responses.
What needs to be addressed, is whether it is all worth it? Is it really something more than just electrical impulses flowing through the brain? It can all be scientifically explained, but when it boils down to it that just means it is able to be produced. If studied long enough I'm certain it could be synthesized quite easily given the correct procedure. There is still some mystery about it though that is very compelling.
For my personal opinion on it though, I am what you would call a "Hopeless Romantic". As detailed as it can be explained and thought through I still find it quite enthralling. It may very well be only human hormones and feelings, but I am a human so I believe I should definitely take advantage of it. Also it should be pointed out that deep true love is quite often hard to obtain as it really is extremely difficult for someone to sort through all of the emotions that come with the joy ride of love. The search for this true love is what gives meaning to my life when sometimes I have none other. It may be foolish for someone to do something of that nature, but what is the point of living a life if not in the pursuit of what one wishes for the most. So I guess in the end, my "heart" will always rule out my logic and for some reason that makes me happy. Love is just too great to ever be taken for less than it's total worth in a person's life. |
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| Life of unequited dreams |
[Jan. 14th, 2005|01:02 pm] |
One thing that I think will always leave questions lingering in my mind is how much of life is real. I will need to elaborate on this some to be able to get my train of thought and point across.
I know I have already touched on the fact that the world is nothing but the chemical reactions between our bodies and our surroundings, leaving us in a somewhat limited state to fully see and know all about our surroundings. It's not just that though, being that as we progress through our lives, we follow different paths in search of goals and dreams. Are these dreams really worth it or is there something more to life that is just out of the grasp of human understanding?
That is where I have to pause. That question haunts me as I think about everything else. Maybe there is nothing, and simplicity rules, as it does in so many larger cases. Maybe my mind is just striving for a higher purpose to give itself more meaning other than just a comprised organism made up of energies and atoms that link and work together to form a self-sustaining entity that has no other purpose than self preservation and self progression.
If that was the case, what then are souls? Are we just vassals that have no real base beyond our physical bodies? Built in just a way that we can trick ourselves into thinking we are more than we really are. I guess that part of me is the part that is always searching for more and is the part of me that requires me to write this.
There is so much I don't think I will ever understand. I feel like a fool and an idiot to the most extreme levels, but I just can't settle with not even trying to comprehend what is put in front of me. Be it my soul's purpose or just electrical impulses telling me to. So I guess in the end we may never really have any control.
Which gives me more question to believe what is real. I guess everything is real and not real at the same time. Like layers of a huge 3-dimensional model that can only be viewed one layer at a time. Each layer representing "what is" viewed from the billions of different scenarios. I just wish I knew what it looked like as a whole, but I believe that is either impossible for me to do or cannot even exist as a whole.
Well I have met too many dilemmas in my thought process at the moment to be able to continue this without an exorbitant amount of reiteration so I will just have to continue this at another time. |
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| relentless endulgance |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|12:57 pm] |
I read this comment in a journal:
"All aspects of life are based on connections. Connections establish what life is... consciousness clearly defines it's existence here. If a person feels that a place where it does not belong, then it is the same as if that person does not exist."
Is this true? Well I think it is partially. A person's existence does reflect their consciousness directly. I do agree with that. The fact that they do not exist if they do not feel they belong, is only partially right. They do exist, but instead of existing in the world around them, they exist in the world they have to create for themselves to get out of the real one. So they exist on another plain of thought.
This makes you think though. If depending on your environment and as you continue through your life, how many existences and lives do you live. How many "you"s reside in the creation of your mind. So are you really anyone at all? Are we nothing but passing souls changing shapes on the grand stream of energy depending on how the fellow travelers around us mold our own existence? That is almost a pleasant thought.
Almost like you could imagine each person in existence, like shining orbs, spread out upon a beautiful tapestry of gateways and pathways. Seeing how the trails and magnetic fields effect each individual orb as they wander across the tapestry. Some start meeting dead ends and fading away, others start shining brightly, so bright that it blurs out the others around it. All of this going on in a beautiful ballet, so detailed that you could even compare it to chaos instead.
Life seems to appear so meaningful and meaningless at the same time when looked at from that type of perspective. So full of energy at times as the ballet goes on, and so full of desolation at others when lone souls begin to just separate themselves and fade away to nothing.
If only truly comprehending and viewing life were as easy as a single thought and view. |
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| Soul Canal |
[Nov. 18th, 2004|02:28 pm] |
I always wonder if the pursuit of knowledge is even worth it. Sure, we gather a greater understanding of the world and reality that we live in, but is that really needed. I guess a lot of it would come down to a persons spirituality and when and how they define eternity and life.
I'm sure a person that believes that their soul continues for eternity would view the goal of enlightenment to be the greatest goal of any entity. The fact that I am questioning whether the pursuit is worth it or not generally gives the impression that this is definitely not my view, and for the most part, where I am right now in my life and my views that is correct.
People that think life is short and fleeting would have split opinions I would presume. On one side you could see it as the fact that there is no purpose in learning more about yourself and the universe and to just indulge in anything that brings happiness. On the other side would be those that would see life as being too short to give up the opportunity to know one's self. Very extreme differences in my opinion on that view.
Of course there are those that purely don't even contemplate either way and just continue to live their lives oblivious. This is where I started thinking. Is ignorance really bliss? Some of the happier people I have met are the oblivious ones, although that is not a given, just a personal observation. The other happy ones are the ones that blindly follow a religion and are so involved into the world that has been created for them that they no longer search for spiritual enlightenment, because I think once you make a final decision on a religious standpoint you no longer are searching. Maybe that's just because I have not "seen the light" yet. How I see it at the moment though, that is just another form of being oblivious.
Even though I did not mean to, I believe I just started a discussion with myself over the meaning to life. Is the search for knowledge or how to live your life really the meaning to life? Seems like a rather simple answer to a question that has taken so long to be answered so I am most likely just summing it a lot smaller in explanation that it deserves.
Funniest thing about all of this is the fact that by me trying to figure this out I have already begun to just further think about life and further enlightenment. Guess that will be the path I will be headed down unless I can find some type of built-in "off" switch. |
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| Loss of Eloquence |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|01:51 pm] |
I indeed find it intriguing how the outlook and perspectives of a man can change so dramatically in such short time-spans. The world can be the proverbial apple waiting to be plucked, eaten, and enjoyed till the last savory bite. Then the world is warped and changed into a land only fitting the presence of the damned. Has anything in either realm changed physically? No. The world is exactly the same in both outlooks. It is all in the head of the man and the worlds that are "real" to him. Also note that there are many different variations and combinations but these are both of the "main" worlds.
In the apple things just are. The world is the world, and your life is your life. You wake up every morning, you breathe, you go about your business. Nothing really gets to you, and you take joy when it comes to you. You can't even see the extent that things that should bring you down don't, because what would be the point in feeling bad. Optimism is your friend and you are it's preacher. Obviously anyone can now fill in any other cliche comment about that type of outlook so I will stop there.
Even more cliche are the many comments that can be made in reference to the land of the damned scenario. Not caring about anything as there is not point to it all. Death is not entirely wished for but it surely is not something that would be given a huge metaphoric STOP sign. Life just seems to keep dragging on, and meaning and motivation for anything seems like nothing but a theory.
So, cut much shorter than an actual definition of both should be, there are the two main polar extremes. It just amazes me how quickly one moves to the other and vice-versa. There is no real reason for either. Then again, maybe it is just the view and world that I'm seeing it as right now. Which I would have to classify as being part of the damned as I am surely not being optimistic about this.
I guess I will have to make a duplicate post on this topic when I am able to have my eyes view it from the other world. I will conclude any thoughts then, or I may realize this was a stupid and meaningless post that did not really accomplish anything. That again may just be the damned talking again. |
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| Transcendence |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|08:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exanimate | ] |
Ever feel like your riding on a wave of pure thought? As if with this mental flow of energy you are being compelled and pushed toward some goal that even you, yourself, do not even see. I often wonder if maybe this is some sort of fate, or a foreordain journey that I am making, have made, and will always follow. Every time I attempt to fight against this feeling and try to make my life of my own accord, I feel it return to me. Maybe I am destined for something that I do not know about, but can kind of wander from side to side down the path as I reach the end. I guess some would say it is God, or some other Heavenly being. I disagree though, for it does not feel holy, or unearthly. I think it may be a manifestation of my reoccurring thought that if you were able to stop time and examine every molecule, energy, and even supernatural force within the universe or whatever else may lie out there that is unbeknownst to us, you could then know the future because you know what will happen. So you in essence have no control over what will happen in your life or where you will end up because it is all going to happen, how it is going to happen. So maybe, just maybe, I am just creating this feeling in my own mind so real that it's almost like it has a will of its own and that is what the hidden power that is pushing me forward is. Then again, maybe I'm just crazy. |
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| Redeemable Life |
[Sep. 28th, 2004|02:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I have returned to my fake smile and forced up-beat voice desk, after returning from my nourishment errand. Due to the lack of availability in this particular region I was limited to McDonald's or Taco Bell. Given that I have partaken of Taco Bell's new Spicy Chicken Burrito numerous times now, I decided to have a change of pace and get a Crispy Chicken Meal from McDonald's. So I'm sitting there, enjoying what I believe is a chicken sandwich and fries, when I notice a man that works there that is busily doing odd tasks around the establishment. He had a humble smile upon his face and gentle grace and ease in his step as he mopped and cleaned, and all the while was singing (very well as a matter of fact) random songs he seemed to have in his repertoire. This gets me to question how I live my life, why you ask? Well it's just that while watching this man, you could just see how content with life he was. Was it because he knew no better? Was it because this was his dream job? Maybe he just got laid before coming to work, I don't know. But, it just made me think that a man that has such a job and not significantly substantial life can be so happy. Not the type of fake happiness that I pour out for poor souls that cannot get their email or their computer dies, real happiness. Then there's me, I work at a slightly better job, am totally unsatisfied with life and I am left with this un-fulfilled desire. Now I'm not complaining, I just wonder what is going through his head that is so much different than what goes through mine. Has he found some lesser-known way to find happiness through simpler tasks that simply eludes me. Maybe he has just never thought enough to realize everything in life he would really want and that's how the simpler things in life make him happy. I have an inclination to strike up a conversation with him upon my next visit, just to find out. |
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| Phoenix |
[Sep. 28th, 2004|10:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
Again I made a travesty of my last Live Journal and hope to reconcile with this one, so I am again before you saying I will not lower myself to relating unimportant facts and refrain from complaining about trivial matters of my everyday life. I hope this Live Journal will actually be read and responded to a little more steadily than previous ones. |
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